Bird of Paradise: Bidding Adieu to the Phoenix

Will of Imperial Teen/Hey Willpower with new band Psychic Friend at Little Victory's welcome home show in June

The show I organized at the Phoenix for this year's Pride was, no fooling, absolutely the most fun I've ever had in my life.  Everyone was so brilliant, so excited, so totally pumped on the experience I was quite literally overcome, fighting back tears that were threatening to make an ass out of me.  I'm all for emotional honesty but I draw the line at crying in public because you can't believe your own good fortune.  Smile for fuck's sake, I thought, This is your life and you get to live it.

Horoscope playing Gay Rage/Gay Magic III, Pride Sunday '11

Including the farewell show Sunday Little Victory played the Phoenix maybe 5 or 6 times.  It seemed like a lot at the time and now it seems like not nearly enough.  It's gone too soon from our lives, this miracle.  I don't mean to exaggerate: It was a total miracle for me to have a venue that was not only bullshit-free and totally supportive but 100% gay all the time.  Such a big deal.  Such a major thing to see disappear after only a year.

Isabel of Household at Courage My Love

The Phoenix gave me the confidence to put together shows and have faith that people would show up for them.  Putting those shows on gave me the opportunity to shine a light on my friends' projects, to play with at least one of my musical heroes and to realize how special and exciting the people I surround myself with are.  The audiences at those shows gave me a renewed faith, inspiring me to believe that this sense of community I'd grown up with that I thought we'd all maybe outgrown did exist and could succeed.  

B0DY H1GH at Sunday's ONCE MORE WITH FEELING show

Though people frequently find this hard to believe I am actually quite shy as a performer.  Anything you see or hear me do onstage is almost exclusively the result of nervous energy.  All my life I've wanted to write songs and sing in a band but before Sunday I've rarely enjoyed it so completely.  When I took the stage at the end of Skeleton Head's set to sing with Leo on the Pet Shop Boys' "What Have I Done to Deserve This" I could feel myself enjoying myself.  This was a really big deal for me.  When Little Victory came to the end of our set I realized that the Phoenix, in all of these incredible ways, had given me something phoenixes normally save for themselves: A rebirth.  I'll miss you, old girl.